-Taste the Music-
People
are afraid of the dark because when the lights are out there are so many things
that can’t be seen. Rod Sterling once said, “There is nothing in the dark that
we cannot see when the lights are on”. I was never afraid of the dark but I am
afraid of things I can’t see. All of these things that I can’t understand or
interpreter. Those are the scary things and in a world with so many different
people and so many different ideas there is so much that I can’t see. I’m
blind. I’m so blind.
I have a brother named Dustin who has these terribly big
blue eyes that are always fixed on something that I cannot see. He reaches his
hands up and touches things that are nonexistent to my world. Perhaps it’s some
sort of light that warms him, or a kite that is flying just above his head. I
could only imagine all sorts of floating things that could distract him from
the ground.
The thing I love about Dustin is that he doesn't see
people for their physical form. I've seen little white babies shriek at their
first encounter with a black person and vice versa. I don’t know where it comes
from or why it’s there but we fear the different. Dustin doesn't. He’s not a
part of the “we”. He’s not a part of the “us”. He is Dustin and he lives for Dustin where as
I am the big brother who lives for everyone else. I am the business man of
society, everyone else is a consumer, and Dustin… he’s Dustin.
I wish I could find more words to describe him but he’s
not really a child of literacy. When I watch him sometimes I think I could
write for a hundred lifetimes about who is and what he does but when I actually
sit down with a piece of paper in front of me it becomes much more difficult.
No word can capture the colors he sees and the worlds he touches. For now I’ll
stick to my thoughts. Maybe one day I’ll collect enough of them and organize
them on a sheet of paper but until then it will be internal.
After our parents death I took Dustin in. At the time I
was eighteen and he was only ten. Now I’m climbing towards my midtweeties and
he’s in his teen years. He has so much rage that he doesn’t understand. These
feelings are too human for him and he expresses it with this terrible rage.
That’s why I think he does what he does. He does it because we are all built
like little robots with different and unique systems. Dustin’s a bit short
circuited, or perhaps we are the ones with the short circuits. The system isn't operating correctly. It can feel the commands. It can feel the need to complete
something but the controls are different. The buttons are lost.
He doesn't talk much and when he does most people can’t
understand him. It’s easy to pick up his language but it’s hard to find someone
who actually takes the time to.
I’m sitting, at this very moment, at one end of our long
dining room table and eating something that has taken me way too long to
prepare based on the fact that we very well do have a personal chief.
Dustin will only eat with music playing and every so
often he will request a certain band to be played. Tonight’s request is the
entire BeeGee’s best hits album.
“Dustin.” I say. He doesn't respond.
“Dustin, why is your mouth open?” He opens his mouth even
wider and closes his eyes.
“Taste the music. Louder. Louder.” He responds. I stand up from my seat and turn
the volume up as loud as it can go. The entire house is erupting in eighties
music. The silverware is bouncing on the table, the floorboards feel as though
they are being vibrated out of place, and Dustin is sitting in the midst of it
all just tasting the music. I wonder what it tastes like. The music.
--
This is an exert from a fictional story written by Amber Allegrucci. 2015
--
If you or anyone you know is affected by Autism send this their way.
""Autism isn't a processing error. It's a different operating system."
--
If you or anyone you know is affected by Autism send this their way.
""Autism isn't a processing error. It's a different operating system."
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