Hi there, reader!

I am still inactive! Updates soon!

Your procrastination professional, Amber

Inactive

Hello there,
are you seeing this?
OMG I've been inactive for so long! I stroll along with a new blog website but will come back here every so often. For now, some more radio silence.

With Love, Amber

The Worst Kind Of Block

Writers Block

Most people think that writers block looks like a person sitting at a computer with their fingers hoovering over the keyboard as they let their dead eyes focus on the blinking line on a word document.
What it looks like for me is sitting at my computer desk with empty coffee mugs littered around me, a bag of pickle chips by my side, and a blank stare. I'm probably listening to Britany Spears which is not helping the situation at all.

I'm literally doing this right now.
This is unhealthy

Our One Year Anniversary - Our Many Years of Friendship!!!!!

Christmas 2014. Mima's house.

Thinking that I'd be even close to fitting everything I have to say on a tiny card with hearts is crazy.
I'm going to ignore the concept of "corniness" and just go ahead and write what I feel. Read it as a journal entry to the public? But mostly an open letter to you, Stewart.

Stewart, if you're reading this out loud in some voice to make me feel embarrassed stop it! I'm sweating just writing this, especially because I haven't written in this blog since July!

Most people know about love because they themselves love. They have this fire inside of them that even science can't figure out. Chemicals? Genetics? Who knows?
But my feelings for you are so so different than that.
I don't just love YOU Stewart
I love every fiber of you.
I love every musky breath that escapes your lips and every hardly audible grunt you make when you're uncomfortable or dissatisfied with a chapter your reading.
How about your scruffy beard and white teeth (which you refuse to agree with me on how perfect they are)?
Your puffy face when you wake up in the morning and grab onto me for dear life because you don't want to open your eyes and start the day yet.
Your soft chuckle and rare boisterous laugh.
I even love your terrible habits like your nail biting and how you constantly pick your skin.
Not because of the act of actually doing it but because those are the things that make you you.

I love how smart you are and how you can read an 800+ page book in three days or less even with a packed schedule!
How about all of the times in the past that lead up to now?
How nervous you were trying to ask me out when we were in high school.
That night at Nay Aug, it had to be Junior Year, when we were walking in the dark and looking at the Christmas lights. You asked if I wanted to ride on the carriage that was drawn by an old horse but I refused because I thought it was expensive and felt bad for the horse.
You didn't say much and it made me nervous so I tried talking about everything and nothing.

We must have walked for about 45 minutes until I began to get cold and we headed back to the car. You kept looking at me and I kept looking away and I swear it was just when you opened your mouth to say something you tripped over that terribly placed wire that held up a stream of lights and flew through the air. It sounded like a little plop as you hit the ground and when you looked up at me with those embarrassed eyes I laughed so hard I thought I would die.
Your face turned a darker shade of red than the scraps on your hands and legs!


From website link (https://sites.scranton.edu/sarahmueller/2013/12/)

How about the very first time we had an actual conversation?
It was freshman semi and you were sitting alone at a table with a miserable scowl on your face. That was your first year at Old Forge. The white table clothe in front of you was glowing pink and yellow because who ever planning the event thought it would be a good idea to let our class have glow sticks.
I asked you what was wrong and you pointed to your date who was dancing with someone else and then to the sole of your shoe which was hanging onto the bottom lining.
Me, being the weirdo I was back then, asked if you wanted my gum to wedge into your shoe. I told you it would definitely keep that shoe in one piece.
You politely declined but I insisted. After all, I had to have nearly an entire pack in my mouth.
You never did take that gum.
I remember coming home and telling my mom about the boy with the broken heart and shoe to match. I referred to you as the new kid never knowing we'd be best friends just two years later.

Cinemark Parking lot with the O6. (group name courtesy of Seth.)

Sophmore Year of High School

Some years later you'd be dancing with me in college. We'd be dating now, but only for a few months. Our friendship was already matured but our actual relationship was just blooming.
We'd be kicking silver balloons around a nearly empty dance floor because who would come to a sober event in Bloomsburg on a Friday night?
The tempo of the music we were dancing to would get faster and faster and you'd lift your hands up in anticipation of whatever came next. I'd be dancing just in front of you and waiting for the hilarious move you were going to pull off not knowing you would bring your hand down as hard as you can, perfectly matching the house music drop, onto my hand and destroy the tendon that ran from my palm to each of my fingers.
I know you still get upset about the fact that you even remotely hurt me but it's not the hurt that I think about it's the time we spent in the hospital together.
You apologized constantly as the nurses treated me terribly and denied me an x-ray.
When I finally talked my way into the ER you refused to leave my side and held onto my good hand with tears in your eyes.
How gentle you are.

 Great Gatsby Galla at Bloomsburg university. 2014

A little party never hurt (except it totally did)

That same year, but in the second semester I'd be in the same ER fighting off a terrible case of food poisoning and being treated terribly but the same crew of nurses. They didn't believe I was sober and after throwing up so violently and freezing in that terribly cold room I would prefer to not be.
Yet again, you stayed by my side for hours without complaining once.
In fact, we even took some videos laughing at the state I was in.

                                     

"They took my bra. :["

And I know that if we didn't ignore the signs before we actually had the chance to date maybe we wouldn't have had such a rocky road but driving on that road with you makes it all the less terrible.
Construction takes a while but if you're sitting in the car with good music and good company than the wait it worth wild.

Thank you for letting me be your passenger for all of these years.
Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for everything.
I love you so much!
Happy Anniversary!

No, this wasn't really how we started dating.

Yes, he sighed for a good 20 seconds after the video was over.

A Few Smiles :]

Living on Campus: Elwell Edition. BloomU!

Welcome to Elwell Hall! If you weren't a people person you are now!

(That should be the official logo.)

The halls are small but not nearly as small as they look in this picture! It's a clean place and everything is pretty new! My favorite feature in Elwell were the water fountains that you could either drink out of or fill up your water bottle in. It's great if you're a gym person and want to bring your own bottle.

Helpful hint: If you do go to the gym a lot I would suggest buying a nice water bottle from the University Store! The water fountains can be found at the gym, library, and other commonly used places.

Here's Courtney (my roomate) after Tiny the goldfish died :[ .

This year I think I'll get two betas and put a separator in between  my ten gallon. It'll be a nice, healthy environment for our new little fish!

If you're wondering about what kind of animals are allowed at the University please view the BU Living Guidelines here:

Guide To Campus Living: Bloomsburg University

^This link will open in a new tab.^

The CA's (Community Assistants) decorate the halls very often and during our move in we had such a cool theme! It was all Hollywood themed. Super cute! We had the best CA's on campus so it was obvious that we always had such creative decorations!

As for space .... well, there really wasn't much of it. We were never placed in a tripple (thank the heavens!) and we made best of the room we had. There were always decorations up and if someone wanted to come in and chat there was always room.

The drying rack you can see on the bottom left wasn't always there and most the time my hamper was tucked under my bed.

There was just enough room to fit a blow-up mattress in between our beds for sleep overs.

This was my little office space.

Yes, it really is as small as it looks.

It wasn't that bad. The only thing that was super annoying was trying to figure out how to open those drawers behind me.

During the second semester I brought my Desktop PC to Bloom. I detached the shelves you see above the computer and moved them under the window. I kept my books and shoes there for the rest of the year.

Halloween was terrible. I'm not going to tip-toe around it!

I invited dozens of people to join me in the fifth floor lounge of Elwell. I even posted on numerous social media websites.

About three people showed up (because they were walking by on their way out to a party and saw that I had bought candy.) Some people stayed and we played a few games.

A young man that I had met brought two of his friend who had only showed up for booze. They left soon after. Good riddance!

Bloomsburg University is a dry campus so even thinking that I would have alcohol in a LOUNGE was incredibly idiotic. If I even enjoyed drinking I would be way more sneaky about it! SHESH!

I would say the only time I was genuinely upset about leaving my hometown was during Halloween. I always threw THE BEST parties at home. I won't be attempting another party until I have my own apartment (which will be Junior Year. PLEASE GOD MAKE IT JUNIOR YEAR)

NOTE: Bloom U is often called a party campus and it very well is. There are dozens and dozens of apartments surrounding the campus along with Frat houses and Sororities. They're great for getting out and having a hell of a night on the town!

If I was a big boozer I'd love it! 

I suppose the failure of my party was a little bit of my fault for even thinking it would be successful when the nightlife was crazy on Halloween!

Maybe this year I'll be out and about like everyone else?

merp.

Obviously we had Christmas off but that didn't stop Courtney and I from putting up decorations.

(She's going to be a great CA this year!)

The workload wasn't terrible.

There are a lot of essay's to write and you should learn APA formatting.

There are a lot of books to buy.

There is a lot of organization.

All and all, if you have your head on straight (or even just a bit sideways, like me) you can make it here just fine!

Break up your studying with adventure! Go out with a few friends and have a walk around town!

Take pictures, play games, be young!

Courtney finally proposed to the silver husky! How romantic!

My boyfriend and I liked to take staged pictures in our spare time.

Shhh. I like to scrap book.

We always had so much fun!

Yes....those are empty juice bottles and mouth wash.

There's a park just down the road (it's within walking distance) and it had pavilions and places to grill some yummy meals! Stewart and I took some great pictures there!

Keeping a journal is always helpful. If you don't have one you should invest in one! Pay a bit more for something you'll like!

I like to buy journals that open all the way and have just enough space to write a page in every once in a while.

Doodling helped me during pretty much every anxious study session break.

There is an Apple Bee's just down the road! Here is Stewart talking about how much he loves looking at clouds and chasing butterfly's. As you can see Courtney is surprised by this behavior.

Have fun and Good luck!

10 College Protips: The Freshman Guide to Keeping Sane.

Eat: 3 meals

Sleep: 7 hours

1. Know The Weather.

If you don't already have an app, DOWNLOAD ONE!

Why have your presentation day ruined after working so hard on your outfit, a poster board, etc. when you could dodge the rain with an umbrella!?

TL;DR Bring an umbrella and rain boots!

2. Be Prepared.

For everything....

I was known for throwing on my pajamas after my classes. Fire alarms happen ALL OF TIME. My pajamas don't include pants....so....always keep a pair where you can grab them.

TL;DR Extra underwear, extra sheets, extra makeup and...uhm.... wear pants?

3. Clip Those Coupons!

A quarter comes to a lot when you're about to sit next to someone you know you'll talk to. Too bad you had that chili bean soup and now your breath is terrible! If only you had a quarter for the gum dispenser!!

Honestly.... this happens!

If you see a nice money deal take it! I bought a reusable Starbucks cup  (that I didn't think I'd get much use of). I started getting coffee everyday towards the end of the second semester and with a reusable Starbucks cup a certain percentage is taken off of your purchase! For a cup of regular coffee I was paying less than a dollar!

TL;DR If you can save money save money!

4. People Are Going To Flirt With You.

Yes, even if you're in a steady relationship and it's clear to everyone that you love this person. Yes, even if you aren't on Tinder. Yes, even if you're wearing a ring! There will always be someone around the corner looking for some flirty love so they can get some sort of sick rebound if there's a chance it won't work out with you two.

Some people won't hesitate to help home wreck........

.....

......

...........

TL;DR Learn to say no to cheating and yes that includes flirting.

5. Sometimes People Are Irrationally Rude.

My lovely roommate Courtney (<3!) along with a plethora of other super smart people we both know are ASL Majors and often times I would be in a room that was completely silent but filled with conversation. You pick up little words like "Ball, House, Friends, Candy" and eventually use your context clues to understand sentences here and there.

Bloomsburg was the only place that I had to fake being deaf because I wouldn't yell back to a guy who was belligerently drunk in the hallway and trying to hit on me. I was soaking wet, in a flimsy towel, and couldn't see three feet in front of me without my glasses.

The conversation went something like this,

"Ohh....ohhhhhhh. Hey there."

"...." *tries to get into room quickly*

"Okay, f*cking b*itch, then don't answer."

*puts down shower caddy and signs "Ball inside of House. Friends Eat Candy. Church Church deaf."

"WTF, What.... I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!"

*smiles and enters room.*

TL;DR Mace is always a good purchase.

6. Humans Are Gross.

Communal bathroom are terrible terrible places.

I believe that stalls should be covered from head to toe so there are no cracks to look over, under, or above.

Especially for those who are bladder shy and always will be!! ....okay, moving on.

The girls room always seems to have wonderful bodily colors on the walls, floor, and toilet seats.

I mean.... maybe it's some sort of primitive territorial calling or something?

Either way, if you didn't think the hoard of females stationed here on Earth are always cleaner than boys then think again!

I once walked in on a conversation between two girls as I was unpacking my shower supplies in the larger stall.

"That's the stall Em got sick in."

"Ew, no I thought it was the handicapped one."

"No it was that one. She was just shoving chunks down the drain."

I was wondering why the water was building up. The hotter the water I used the more sour that stall smelled. Ew, stop.

TL;DR Sanitize everything.

7. Money Flies When You're Having Fun.

This one explains itself.

Finals week to me meant flash cards, snacks, candy, new pens, pencils, and OH LOOK! Those socks are on sale.... gonna need about twenty of those.

TL;DR Only buy what you need not what you want.

8. College Is Not High School

Surprise! You can bring water bottles to class, you can wear a hoodie, and you don't need to find a nurse to give you an ice pack if you've somehow been impaled by the horn of a narwhal. 

But keep in mind, sometimes it gets lonely. You're friends who have been there since you were a kid are somewhere different than you and doing something much different than you used to do. There are more strangers around than friends.

And like I said, sometimes people can be rude. Make sure that before anything else you know you can tolerate yourself because there are going to be times when it's just you and your mind. Don't be one of those girls who goes out every night and party's just because there is nothing else to do. Don't lower your standers because you're bored.

Just learn to be okay with the silence. Learn to be okay with just you.

TL;DR Find who you are and what you stand for. Being lost is okay, being hopeless is not.

9. Get a hobby. Nurture your passion.

Find time in your day to do what you love. If you like to write but can't find time to complete entire stories, write a haiku a day. If you can't find time to sing join a choir group. There is always time to fit passion in your day. 

You wouldn't want stress to water down your creation so don't let it!

TL;DR The best way to stay happy is by doing what you love.

10. Be you.

Don't be afraid to laugh louder or cry harder. It's your time now. Find you!!!!!!!!

Graduating and Moving on in Old Forge

Junior Year Blues

Senior Years Blues

College Freshman Year Hope.

CLICK HERE FOR AUDIO by Amber Allegrucci

Growing up in Old Forge was different for everyone. Either you didn’t have a lot of friends, you had a moderate amount, or everyone in the entire school district knew you, your brother, and your cousin’s child’s cat’s name.

          I fit somewhere in the moderate column. I had a few great friends, a few friends who flew off the rocker and took others with them, and friends who I haven’t spoken to until recent Facebook messages begging for drug money.

          Currently I’m climbing my way to the top of the “20 year old” mountain and I’m trying to stomp over the “16 year old hill” that I can’t exactly seem to climb over. It feels like it’s way too easy walking over this giant 20 year old mountain but excruciatingly difficult walking over the 16 year old one.

          When I was sixteen I had a sturdy amount of friends. Three different groups.

1. The Older Girls – Made up of about three girls who I was supposed to graduate with in the year 2013. Lost touch, got it back, lost touch again. Currently close with one of these girls.

2. The Girls. – Six girls who frequented the parties I would hold in the empty half of my house. Always dancing, always singing, and always finding a way to make each other smile. I speak to about four of them but within strange time frames due to college, work, and relationships.

3. The Guys. - We coined the name O6 somewhere in the three years we were in each other’s presence but never used it. It stood for Original Six and if you ask half of them I’m sure they wouldn’t even remember it. These five guys tore me from a terrible depression during my freshman year of high school which left me with barely any friends. It started with bonfires, a lunch table, and then soon we were having our very own parties.

          We never really needed drugs and alcohol because we were so hopped up on each other’s presence. If one of us didn’t like something another one of us would. Each of us had such different styles and tastes. We were below the “popularity” line but never really cared much for it anyways. Life was late nights, mountain climbing, fort building, trips to Walmart, dancing, house hopping, swimming pools, video games, screaming, laughing, crying, singing, green grass, and black skies.

          If anyone ever asks me what the best year in my life was I would say my sophomore year. If anyone would ask me when things started to decline it would be junior year. Girlfriends, boyfriends, misunderstood feelings, cars, jobs, college decisions, family.

          Have you ever broken a bone? Well, whenever it’s about to rain you get this strange ache deep within your bones that tells you way before it starts to pour. Junior year I had that in my chest. I had that ache that told me that all of those beautiful moments that make me smile when I close my eyes wouldn’t last forever. It was never personal, it was always the system of life.

          Senior year was the worst year of my life. Until now I haven’t written about it in full and I will wait until I am fully healed to do so but what I could say is that the ache that I felt turned into a lightning strike straight to the heart. I almost didn’t make it. That’s all I’ll say for now. I’ll say that I held on by the thread of my graduation cap.

I don't have many pictures of myself during the later half of my senior year but here's one a friend snapped of me in our "party house". 

          I want to go back to sophomore year so bad, if not, than only once in a dream. I want to go to the football games and jump fences. I want to talk about secrets and goals around a camp fire again. But I don’t want to do any of this with my twenty year old self. I want to do this with my sixteen year old self.

          Here’s the kicker to it. I knew that this was going to happen. Of course, I had no idea that things would end up the way they have and if I had I would have transferred schools years ago. I’m not lying. 

             I did, however, know that LIFE, as the adults put it, tears pieces apart and glues them onto something else. Picture a painting with stunning blues and greens. A giant hand comes down and tears off a piece. The hand then moves this piece onto a new painting filled with oranges and reds. “This is your new home.” The hand says as it waves goodbye. The oranges and reds don’t know that the blues and greens are different colors but the blues and greens know and they long to be a part of that earthly painting it once was. Sure, it could be torn from the new painting and glued onto the old one once more but the cracks around the edges of the tear will always show on the surface. The painting will never be the same.

          Here I type, during the summer after my first freshman year of college. I’m sitting at the desk I have had since middle school. Sharpie writings on it read different things in different languages that my poor father has tried to wash clean for years. My favorite one lies just beneath my right hand. In Korean it reads, “Even in the mouse hole, light shines.” Somewhere I see that light shining and it’s becoming more and more beautiful by the day. I have hope and that hope is the boots, rope, and gloves, on my journey up this “twenty year old mountain”.

I suppose I don’t really have a creative ending for you in this post, my readers so I'll leave you with something I had written about a week back on a Facebook post which I’ll share below.

With so much love, Amber Allegrucci